Parent and child charts: how do you raise this particular child?
Enter your birth details and your child's to see your Children Palace, the approach that suits your child's Life Palace star, and where your Hua Lu and Hua Ji land in each other's charts.
On this page
You say "go do your homework" to both kids. The older one goes. The younger one asks why, three times. The two children were different people from the start. A parent and child reading in Zi Wei Dou Shu looks at three things: the parent's Children Palace, the child's Parents Palace, and the child's own Life Palace star.
The short version:
- Formula: parent-child compatibility = the parent's Children Palace + the child's Parents Palace + the child's Life Palace star + how the birth-year Hua Lu and Hua Ji fly between you.
- Two directions: if you're the parent, read your Children Palace. If you're the child, read your Parents Palace. One relationship, one palace on each side.
- The signal that matters most: the child's Life Palace star, which tells you what kind of message this child actually hears.
- Weighting: the child's personality comes from the child's own Life Palace. The Children and Parents Palaces describe the bond and how you parent; the transformations show what each of you cares about most.
Which palaces to read, and why
| You are | You read | They read | What it shows |
|---|---|---|---|
| The parent | Children | Parents | your bond with the child |
| The child | Parents | Children | your bond with the parent |
| Either | child's Life | personality, approach |
The Children Palace is the part of the chart that covers the younger generation. Some teachers read it as the relationship between you and your children, above all how close that bond runs. Since many people now have few children or none, it is also read for apprentices you train or pets you raise. The Parents Palace covers elders, and how you were treated growing up. The two palaces mirror each other: your Children Palace is how you see this child, and the child's Parents Palace is how the child experiences you.
Couple and friendship readings check which of your palaces the other person's Life Palace falls in. A parent and child reading skips that step. Family ties come with birth, so once you choose "My child" or "My parent" in the form, the reading switches to these two relationship palaces instead.
When the Children Palace has no main star, the Zi Wei Dou Shu Quan Shu (The Complete Book of Zi Wei Dou Shu) says in its second volume that if a palace has no stars of its own, you look to the stars in the palace opposite. So you borrow the main stars from the opposite palace, the Property Palace. This is the standard way to read an Empty Palace.
Reading the two charts together
The form on this page starts with "My child" selected. The result shows your Children Palace line, how your transformations fly between you, and a section called "Raising this child". Birth-year transformations are the most basic Flying Stars method. Where the other person's Hua Lu lands in your chart is the area they tend to make easier for you. Where their Hua Ji lands is the area where you're most likely to worry about them.
Here is a pair calculated by our engine: a mother whose Life Palace star is Wu Qu, and a daughter whose Life Palace star is Po Jun.
- The mother's Children Palace: the empty Children Palace borrows Tian Ji and Tian Liang. The line reads: "You and your children like to reason things out and can talk easily."
- The daughter's Parents Palace: also empty, borrowing Tai Yang and Tian Liang, with challenging stars present. The reading suggests a little extra patience with parents, and making the most of time together.
- Hua Lu: the daughter's Lian Zhen Hua Lu lands in the mother's Wealth Palace. The mother's Po Jun Hua Lu lands in the daughter's Life Palace.
- Hua Ji: the daughter's Tai Yang Hua Ji lands in the mother's Parents Palace. The mother's Tan Lang Hua Ji lands in the daughter's Career Palace.
- Raising this child: the daughter acts on impulse and doesn't like being managed, so make the limits clear and leave room to explore inside them. The daughter's Life Palace also holds a birth-year Hua Quan, a sign of wanting to be in charge, so hand over one thing of the child's own to manage.
The mother's Po Jun Hua Lu lands right on a child whose Life Palace star is Po Jun, so the mother's support is something the child feels day to day. The mother's Hua Ji lands in the child's Career Palace, which for a child in school means schoolwork. Schoolwork is where the child feels the mother's concern most, and concern said too bluntly comes across as pressure. The child's Hua Ji lands in the mother's Parents Palace, so the mother's worries about this child often tie back to the grandparents, for example when they help with childcare and have their own ideas about it.
Wu Qu likes rules and Po Jun likes to break new ground, so one tends to find the other reckless and the other finds the first controlling. Luckily the mother's Children Palace "likes to reason things out". This pair does well when the child helps write the rules.
Grown children: reading the Parents Palace
If you're the adult child and want to look at your relationship with a parent, switch the form to "My parent". Now the reading starts from your Parents Palace.
For example, a son whose Life Palace star is Tian Fu, and a mother whose Life Palace star is Tian Tong. The son's Parents Palace holds Tian Tong and Tai Yin, read as both parents being close by, with many people at home looking out for the family.
- The mother's Tian Tong Hua Lu lands in the son's Parents Palace, and the son's Lian Zhen Hua Lu lands in the mother's Children Palace. Each Hua Lu lands in the other person's relationship palace, so each sees the other as someone to lean on.
- The mother's Lian Zhen Hua Ji lands in the son's Spouse Palace, and the son's Tai Yang Hua Ji lands in the mother's Fortune Palace. So love is where the son feels the mother's concern most, and the son's own affairs are what the mother finds hardest to stop thinking about.
In the section on the Parents Palace, the Quan Shu says to read Tai Yang as the father and Tai Yin as the mother. This chart's Parents Palace holds Tai Yin. Today, you could read that as the emotional bond with the mother's side standing out.
Where parents and children most often get stuck
Your child's star is nothing like yours
A Tian Fu parent likes a plan. A Tan Lang child wants to try everything. Finding the approach that fits the child's Life Palace star works better than holding the child to your own habits. Let a Tan Lang child sample widely, then help them pick one or two things to go deeper. A Tian Liang child is mature for their age, so make room for them to just be a kid.
Your Hua Ji lands in your child's Career Palace
Schoolwork is where your child feels your concern most, and the trouble usually lies in how that concern comes out. "Why did you get this wrong again?" lands very differently from "Which question tripped you up?"
Your Children Palace holds a birth-year Hua Ji
The reading adds a line saying there is always one knot in this area that's hard to let go of. That's a note about your side: you put a lot of yourself into this child. Turning worry into specific agreements, like what time to be home, saves more energy than repeating the same warnings.
More than one child
Read each child's chart separately. The approaches will differ, and that's expected, so there's no need to compare. For how two children get along with each other, see Siblings Compatibility. If grandparents help raise the kids, In-Law Compatibility is useful too.
FAQ
How do you read parent and child compatibility in Zi Wei Dou Shu?
The parent reads their own Children Palace and the child reads their own Parents Palace. Then look at the child's Life Palace star, and at where each person's birth-year Hua Lu and Hua Ji land in the other's chart.
Does the Children Palace show my child's personality?
Your Children Palace shows how you see this child and the bond between you. Your child's actual personality comes from your child's own Life Palace. Two siblings share the same parent's Children Palace but have different Life Palaces, so always cast the child's own chart.
What if our charts don't match well?
A parent and child reading describes tendencies. It doesn't score you as a match or a mismatch. When your stars are very different, your child needs a different kind of message from the one you'd naturally give, and the child's Life Palace star tells you which.
How should I raise a child with a particular Life Palace star?
Each star has its own approach. Offer a Zi Wei child options and let them choose. Answer a Tian Ji child's endless "why" questions. Don't go head to head with a Qi Sha child. The "Raising this child" section of the result gives one or two suggestions based on the stars in your child's Life Palace.
Does a difficult Parents Palace mean a distant relationship with my parents?
The Parents Palace line describes how things tend to go, such as needing extra patience or making your own decisions early. It points to where the relationship needs more care, and doesn't pass judgment on it. Cast your parent's chart too and see how your transformations fly between you.
Can I read my Children Palace if I don't have kids?
Yes. Some teachers read the Children Palace as apprentices, younger people you look after, or pets, when there are no children. When a child arrives, add the child's birth details here.
Other relationships
This is the general reading. On your own chart it shifts with the stars' brightness, the San Fang Si Zheng and the year you are in.
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