How do you read your chart against your mother-in-law’s?
Enter your birth details and your mother-in-law’s (or father-in-law’s) to see each person’s star persona, how you tend to relate to elders, and where your Hua Lu and Hua Ji fly. Below: why these palaces, and what to do when things get stuck.
On this page
Sunday lunch at your partner’s parents’ place. Your mother-in-law says, almost in passing, "You two eat out a lot these days," and you hear it as a comment on how you run your home. Your partner looks down at their phone, not wanting to take a side. Nobody meant any harm. Each of you just cares about something different. That is what in-law compatibility reads: in your chart, who your partner’s parents are to you; in your mother-in-law’s chart, how they see their child and their child’s new home.
The short version:
- Formula: in-law compatibility = your Parents Palace + Siblings Palace, read against your in-law’s Children Palace, then where each person’s birth-year Hua Lu and Hua Ji land in the other chart.
- Why the Siblings Palace: it is the Parents Palace of your Spouse Palace, so one turn of the chart makes it your partner’s parents.
- Their side: your in-law’s Children Palace is their child, which means your partner.
- The signal that matters most: where each Hua Ji lands. Your in-law’s Hua Ji in one of your palaces marks the area where you are most likely to worry on their account; your Hua Ji in their chart marks what they are most likely to worry about for you.
- Who it covers: mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and son-in-law, fathers-in-law too. It reads tendencies. It doesn’t decide who is right.
Which palaces, and why
| Who | Palace | What it shows |
|---|---|---|
| You | Parents | how you relate to elders |
| You | Siblings | your partner’s parents |
| Your in-law | Children | how they worry about their child |
The Parents Palace is the palace of elders. How you get along with the older generation, and how much their opinion weighs on you, starts here. An in-law is an elder from another family, and the baseline is usually close to how you are with your own parents.
The Siblings Palace comes from turning the chart. Treat your Spouse Palace as your partner’s Life Palace and count again: its Parents Palace lands exactly on your Siblings Palace. So your Siblings Palace also stands for your partner’s parents. Some teachers read in-laws exactly this way, through the Parents and Siblings Palaces together.
On your in-law’s side, the Children Palace is their child, your partner. How an in-law treats you often grows out of how they see their own child.
If the older person fills in the form, choose "Child-in-law" as the relationship and the reading flips.
Reading the two charts together
For family, the reading skips Life Palace landings. Start with the palaces above, then follow the birth-year transformations: one person’s Hua Lu in the other’s chart is what they naturally bring; one person’s Hua Ji in the other’s chart marks where the other is most likely to worry about them.
Take a daughter-in-law whose Life Palace holds Tian Xiang and a mother-in-law with an Empty Palace borrowing Tian Ji. Run through the engine, it looks like this:
- Daughter-in-law’s Parents Palace: Tian Ji and Tian Liang, with Tian Liang Hua Lu and mixed stars. Elders look out for the daughter-in-law, with rules and friction as well, and real gains still come in through the friction. The Zi Wei Dou Shu Quan Shu (The Complete Book of Zi Wei Dou Shu), Volume 1, says Tian Liang in the Parents Palace is "weighty and dignified." Today, that reads as elders who carry weight, keep to the rules, and do step in to help.
- Daughter-in-law’s Siblings Palace: Tai Yang and Ju Men in Yin. Talk runs high between peers and it is hard to agree. This palace also stands for the partner’s parents, so with the in-laws, how things are said matters most.
- Mother-in-law’s Children Palace: Tian Xiang meets challenging stars. This mother-in-law finds it hard to stop worrying about their child.
The transformations (MIL = mother-in-law, DIL = daughter-in-law):
| Whose | Lands in | Reading |
|---|---|---|
| MIL’s Po Jun Hua Lu | DIL’s Travel | easier outside the home |
| MIL’s Ju Men Hua Quan | DIL’s Siblings | push, and some pull |
| MIL’s Tan Lang Hua Ji | DIL’s Spouse | DIL worries about love |
| DIL’s Tian Liang Hua Lu | MIL’s Spouse | eases MIL’s own marriage |
| DIL’s Wu Qu Hua Ji | MIL’s Property | MIL worries about home |
The mother-in-law’s Hua Ji lands in the daughter-in-law’s Spouse Palace, so in-law matters tend to follow the couple home. The daughter-in-law’s Hua Ji lands in the mother-in-law’s Property Palace, so what the mother-in-law worries about most for the daughter-in-law is home. Both worries circle the same small family. The mother-in-law’s Ju Men Hua Quan also goes into the daughter-in-law’s Siblings Palace, the very palace that stands for the in-laws, so the mother-in-law will want a say in household matters and is likely to speak up about them. Knowing that, the daughter-in-law is less likely to hear one more question as criticism. And when the daughter-in-law wants to run the home in their own way, a quick word to the mother-in-law first goes a long way toward putting the mother-in-law at ease.
The partner in the middle
Between in-laws, the person who often has the hardest time is the partner. One teacher puts it this way: pressure from the parents keeps landing on their child, the child snaps a little at home, you push back, and a two-person issue turns into a three-person one. So the easiest way to help your partner is to help the parents feel at ease first.
Three rules for splitting the work: each of you handles your own parents; pass on decisions, never the exact words; agree between the two of you first, then face the family together. How your partner gets on with their own parents is a parent and child reading; how the two of you decide things is a spouse reading.
If your partner has a male chart and was born in a Yi year (Tai Yin Hua Ji), some teachers note that in a male chart Tai Yin stands for both the mother and the partner. With Tai Yin Hua Ji, the person tends to feel pulled toward both sides at once. That is a tendency, and a reason to settle who handles what early.
Where it usually gets stuck
One teacher’s approach, if you have your partner’s chart, is to look at your partner’s Parents Palace for the parents’ temperament. Strong Hua Quan there points to a parent who is used to deciding. Qing Yang points to someone who speaks plainly. Ling Xing points to someone who tends to overthink, and Lu Cun to someone careful with money. Once you see it as temperament, it is easier not to take it personally.
When an in-law wants to decide for you
When an in-law is used to deciding, the lowest-effort answer is to receive it first: "Got it, thanks for telling me." Hearing it is not the same as doing it. Whether you act on it, you and your partner decide at home. If your in-law tends to overthink, a quick message when you will be home late, or a photo of where you are, does more than ten explanations.
Money habits
A frugal parent who sees you buy a new appliance is usually voicing worry. Let your partner mention big purchases to their parents first. A small gift or a red envelope at the holidays tells them they are on your mind.
Helping with the grandchildren
The fights are usually about rules. Agree between the two of you on the big ones, like bedtime, screens and snacks, then ask for help. Let the small things outside those rules go, and say thank you.
FAQ
Which palaces does in-law compatibility look at?
The younger person reads the Parents and Siblings Palaces, the older person reads the Children Palace. The Siblings Palace is the Parents Palace of your Spouse Palace, so it stands for your partner’s parents. The in-law’s Children Palace is their child, your partner. Add where each person’s birth-year Hua Lu and Hua Ji land, and you have the full reading.
Can the charts show whether we’ll get along?
The chart shows tendencies in how you relate, not a pass or fail. Once you see the sticking point, such as a parent who likes to decide, is careful with money or tends to overthink, you can meet that one point with small, practical habits. When the partner in the middle has a clear role, a lot of tension eases.
Does this work for a mother-in-law and son-in-law?
Yes. The son-in-law reads their own Parents and Siblings Palaces, and the parents-in-law read their Children Palace. Fathers-in-law work the same way. In the form, the "Parent-in-law" relationship simply means the other person is your partner’s parent.
What does it mean if my mother-in-law’s Hua Ji lands in my Spouse Palace?
It means matters involving your mother-in-law most easily spill into your relationship with your partner: one remark at dinner, and the two of you are still discussing it at home. Let your partner handle talks with their own mother and agree between the two of you first, and it is less likely to sit between you.
Can the chart show the partner caught in the middle?
Bring your partner’s chart in as well. Some teachers read the parents’ temperament from your partner’s Parents Palace, and note that a male chart with birth-year Tai Yin Hua Ji tends to feel pulled toward both the mother and the partner. Read these as reasons to talk early, not as verdicts.
What if I don’t know my mother-in-law’s birth time?
Pick the most likely double-hour to start. The Life Palace and Children Palace depend on the hour, so a different hour gives a different result. The birth-year transformations depend only on the year, so where your mother-in-law’s Hua Lu and Hua Ji land in your chart doesn’t change with the hour, which makes that part more reliable.
Other relationships
This is the general reading. On your own chart it shifts with the stars' brightness, the San Fang Si Zheng and the year you are in.
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